calm

the calmness of the sea just before the storm hits. --thats our relationships present state. its real scary at times, how everything is so in order. so right. so happy. so nice. then all of a sudden ... you get HIT. and somehow - after youve weathered the storm. you could never go back or put together what you lost. sad. but anyhoo - you still stand up tall - with your head held up high. - like nothing happened - LIFE. ** unpredictable.

try

a friend (thank you arris) sent me this song - TRY - funny how a song - somehow translates your life. "" the more i grow the less i know, and i have lived so many lives but im not old ..."" a few lines of the song that got me. i guess i was feeling real bad at the time. my life is like a jigsaw puzzle... the right pieces are all layed out - theyre all there for me but sometimes - like putting together a puzzle - some pieces take you a while to find and some dont. life is really not that miserable for me. i just get really impatient at times. live : love : laugh : life - keep in mind - ** optimistic **

time

time - the year is 2005 - i guess i havent blogged in a long long long long time. i guess a lot has happened. lets break it down.
relationship : hub and i - currently on rocky ground. can you believe : jan first : we were fighting. it amazes me sometimes why we both are still hanging on. ive asked myself a million times. why ?? . when i sit down and contemplate on what is really important it all comes down to my precious children. and like what i always say... anything, everything, whenever, wherever - for them. so far ... i say weve gotten a bit closer again. tho there are those days when you feel like youre sleeping with the *enemy* . we talk more often now - tho the trust thing is so and so. we still have the same goals. to better each other and provide good futures for our children. money - never and issue. my wants - always an issue. his needs and wants - looking from my point of view - hes aight. hahahaha.
kids : doing really well. i hope im raising them the right way. though theyve been really sick lately - things are getting better. pika. marcus. skool - taekwondo. they love it. sam. - still stuck to me - until he goes to nursery.hahhaa. all in all. theyre all doing great.
me : feeling low and sometimes lonely. hurt. still optimistic that one day i'll get my shiet done and be able to stand on my own two feet. trying to live, enjoy and make the most out of my life one day at a time. _i hate being at the mercy of anyone_
extended family : theyre all trying. we all want better lives somehow. its only human. to wish for more. and more. and more.
like what i said. im just trying to enjoy my life. go out if i can. speak with friends if i can. just treasuring each moment - good or bad. misery loves company. i dont wanna be miserable. live. life. love. laugh. four words to keep in mind.
to everyone thats been there for me. to the people who listened to my woes. to you guys whom i turn to when everything is just soooo shitty. thank you. thank you. thank you.
special mention(s) ... mr. jrg - thanks for being a big bro.
eggie - i know youll always be there ... thank you.
lord lharisson - stay cool. thanks for listening and letting me hang out with you.