whew

alas the day is over. head - check, body - check, limbs - check, kids - check, everthing else ... check check check... we made it in one piece. thank you !! today should be a quiet day ... back to our regular program ... school, work, clean, the works ... damn i still have to plan my sons holaween party for his class - i dont even know how i ended up in the crew. sucks. our room is a disaster - i moved the projector there - let the kids watch - they trashed it !!!! major clean up in there... i dont even know how they do that - little tornados. sammies teething again. hes sooo crabbie - now he has three all together. funny looking kid. ehhehehe. *chillin*

nil

ahahah. and the birthday curse is in motion. every 17th of october - which is jessies birthday - the both of us have agreed not to make any plans or do anything big. for the past years - and it has been proven true - something always goes wrong that day - no matter what it is - as long as its related to him. his first b-day with me was a disaster ... no details - its just depressing. second is the same story. third i planned something - a big one - no one came ! - family crisis - his bro got booked. fourth someting small - didnt happen again ! and fifth - i just tried to ride it out ... this is gonna be a long day - to add to that my sister in law decided to celebrate my nephews birthday today. nice. this is just what we need. peace and quiet. NOT. * goin with the waves*

fall

i just love autumn. the air is crisp, the sun lights up the sky - everthing looks as if it was gold. leaves are falling - ahhhh - i can feel winter slowly creeping in. cleaned the backyard - put away patio stuff, raked leaves. kids are getting the sniffles and the coughs - they get sickly when seasons change. hubs b-day tomorrow (i mean later) heheh. the kids and i have a suprise for him. were baking a cake - chocolate, fudge icing. they said they wanted to put the animal shaped sprinkles and gummi bears hahahaha. - that should be a nice touch - tho i dont know how the cake would taste like with gummies. i forgot to pick up the cake that i forgot to pick up ! get its ?? yeah. i called them back - said i was gonna pick it up yesterday - got a message again - saying that i seemed to have forgotten it. seemed ??? well duh ! the bathroom tub is clogged thanks to my two wonderful kiddies and not to mention the toy !!! note to self - liquid plumber, drano foamers, and those other things that you pour into the drain that claims will unclog it DONT work !! i need help from the handy guy - JES - ... i tried unscrewing the pipe - it wouldnt budge - it needs a mans touch ... temperemental piece of shite ! * on and on*

snob

yeh. not talking terms - my mom and i - i know i couldnt possibly do this foevah ... that i eventually have to speak with her - but as for now i just want her to know that what she did was a BIG deal to me. i couldnt emphasize it enough ... >>family comes first<< not your friends, not the things that you have planned! oh yes' can you feel the hate??? ... yeah they call me the "cold hearted mean a** beyotch". nuthin much today -i just gotta do some work- deposits for the store !!! dont you just hate counting money that aint really yours !!??? ahahahh. i mean it eventually goes to us but i mean the cold hard cash in your hands --- aw ! --- wads of mulah - so close, yet so far. reminds me of the song " ... if i had a million dollars ... " well guess what ??! a million dollars aint much anymore nowadays ... that wont even get you your dream house !! argh. okies - gotta face the music - * workin hard *

sibs

problems ... problems ... it never ends ... seems to follow me everywhere i go. my sister - the younger one - shes in a hole right now ... as the big sister - gotta try to save her but again. money, money, money - aint that always the issue !! i admire her - she's only twenty - she works hard, pays for her own apartment, trying to finish school - oh man -- when i look back and compare how she used to be then - ultimate pain !! now i guess shes realized how those things ( her disposable friends, the clubbing, the drinking, the goin out shiet ) dont really matter in life, that they are just there for a split second happiness - now she knows that no matter how angry i get at her, scold her - so she doesnt go the same way i did - that its actually for something greater. she spends more time with us now ... she visits, she makes time - unbelievable!, what a remarkable improvement. just keep it up sistah. im here for you. *bloodz*

snooze

i slept. like a baby. i was soo tired. spoke to a friend - hes goin back home - im jelly. called a friend - hes back home - im even more jelly. well i guess this calls for a vodka ... hehehe. not. i dont drink. (not anymore) ... caught the rerun of the third debate. what a drag. bush made a fool of himself again ! hes soooo ST***D. i confess ... im a canadian democrat ... heheheh. that does not even make sense. anyhoo i got things to ponder ... * doze *

sober

my kids were hungover from last nite. suprisingly pika and marcus woke up for school - so did i !??! were sooooo beat, even jes woke up late. hahahha. this is gonna be a long arse day. - maybe well all get some shut eye later. - havent done that for a long time - . ive been so tired lately, its not only because of the party - maybe my thyroid and diabetes thing is acting up again. i get energy spurts after a meal or after waking up then after i spent it all - boom - i just crash. i just get drained. gotta see the docs again ! hate them ! i guess smoking like a lunatic, not getting enough sleep does not help. but i cant ( or can i ?? ) avoid it. its the life i live ... speaking of - ive had my palm read ( not by pros though ... ) a few times. it was kinda freaky. they said i will have three kids. that i will be famous ( or infamous ) ... famous in the sense where everywhere i go people will remember me - what i do. my hub is or will be scared of me - meaning i will be or am the dominant one in the relationship. i will have money - i wont have to worry about it or work so hard for it like other people. they said ill be sick later in life. they said i will be involved with three men that will greatly affect my life and that i would loose one of them - and later (after many years) our paths would cross again and somehow just pick up from there ... kinda creeps you out doesnt it? i had lots of questions - specific ones - they wouldnt tell me the answer although they knew it. i guess it would spoil the fun or something ... hahahha. well i have things to do, places to go ... time to un-procrastinate. *laffs*

d-day

parteee. fun fun fun. lots of kids and non-kiddies. food galore. games. balloons. lootbags. dancing. TIRED - im sooo beat. after the party we had thanksgiving dinner at my brother in laws house. we got home at around 140 am. the kids were exhausted. they got in the car - ten seconds later ... they were all toast. so we had to carry them one by one to their rooms. hahaha. that was such a full day for us. my iron chef did an amazing job - he never seizes to surprise me with his skill ... the food was superb. i am sooo stuffed. cant sleep -- still wired. my aunts ( faux relatives) came ... they said i got skinnier, the asked me if i want anymore kids ... i said yeah, three is such a sad number - ive always wanted four - just like us, but right now we cant handle anymore kids - time, energy, financially, its just not feasible. maybe ( and this is just MAYBE ! ) when the kids are a little older. theres school tomorrow for the kiddies - i dont think they could get up early. hahahah. oh well, well see the next day ... - i dont think i could get up early either !! * har har*

rush hour

damz. its cram time for us. party is tom. gotta finish lootbags. call lechon dude. run a few errands. blah blah. im kinda pissed. my mom is not going to her grandchilds first birthday party. i dont freaggin get it !! she is goin on a trip ... montreal, quebec with her buddies ... blah blah for three days. she said she already paid for it a while back ... it just so happened that i planned my sons birthday party on one of them days when she aint here. ive been calling her the past week !! no answer ... i left messages ... and no call backs ... and this was the reason. if she had told me this - i would have come down on her hard !! i cannot comprehend her reasoning behind this trip thing - my bro said she wants me to understand her. ... i mean this is your grandsons first birthday - and how many chances do you get to celebrate this ( to me ... a very special milestone ). VS. the trip which you could plan again some other time ... its not like those places are goin anywhere ... i guess to me its more like ... she chose personal satisfaction over family. ISSUES. <> i dont think im being unreasonable or hard on her ... i just hate it when you ditch your family over friends or people you have no relation to. anyhoo ... the party will go on wif or wifout her. *KARMA* *what goes around comes around*

crabs

we have crabs. lots. jes made me *himay* 40 something of them! argh... my fingers were f**king sore - i got a lot of boo boos. buhuhuh. crabbies were for the party - sunday. i still have so much shiet to do for this party ... lootbags, balloons, games - blah - i was sooo friggin busy today that i forgot to pick up my sons cake that i already paid for. today was the only day ... sun. - theyre not open - mon. - closed for thanksgivin. there goes fitty big ones, down the drain. the kids napped - window of opportunity - had a little siesta meeself. nice. i need the energy ... *wink wink* NOOKIE later.

attack

four am ... still awake. my daughter woke up coughing so i gave her some water. i turned on the lights and eeek! she was red all over, she was swollen and itching - hives attack ! she already showed signs earlier that day ... so i gave her meds - she felt a lil better - fell asleep - woke up - played - then here comes the itchies. i dont know what she ate that made her react like that. i hope she's not allergic to any major thing like - PEANUTS !! oh me gosh - that would be really scary. oh well lets see what other supprises are in store for me today - its still perty early. "here i come to save the day!" - mighty mouse.

ironwoman

geehbus. today ironed 30 pairs of pants and about 10 shirts - and it doesnt end there !@?!... those are just my hubs stuff. ive been putting it off for the longest time - so this is what i got !! my hands were friggin numb and i was sweating like crazzzy afterwards. still have to get a few more things ready for my sons party - not many days left. family, close friends, some not so close friends and staff are invited. my son is turning one ! whoah - looking back ... remembering what it was like when he was just a few weeks old makes me smile - all those sleepless nights, those cries that you thought would never end, trips to the docs in the middle of winter !! << its bogus when people say (mostly people without children hahah) that itll get easier in time. NOT. we all know that it doesnt end there ... if not one thing its another they just say that to make you feel better [for about three seconds] then you say to yourself ~sh^t up! you dont know what the hell youre talking about!~ kids are growing up so fast ... erika will turn 6 next year, marcus 4, samuel 2 ... when i close my eyes i could still vividly picture in my head the day they were born. aaaahh the joys of motherhood !! *winkz*

awakening

no sleep. stayed up last nite with hub to watch this documentary. FAHRENHEIT 9/11. its by michael moore - the guy that did the documentary about the columbine thing. it was definetly worth watching ... i think every american should watch this movie before they cast a vote or if they wanna know what really happened that day. -- dont wanna say much about this -- i might get in trouble -- big brother might be watching !!! creeeepy...
panic attack >> i missed my daughters school bus. so the bus driver took her back to the shcool ... i was late by like three minutes ! i gave the school a call - kinda gave them a piece of my mind - i wasnt exactly nice.
nothin much today - weather was nice, twas on the warm side. my bro came over. made some raspberry tarts. cooked veal stew. played with the kids. raked the leaves. strudel 101 - hubby gave me a free cooking lesson hahaha - how to make kick ass apple strudels.
its 11 after 10 ... kids bedtime ... we still have to go thru our routine - brush, change to PJs, read a bedtime story, kisses, goodnites, water ... the whole works. @ times it could be really exhausting - but on the other hand - the whole parenthood thing could be soo much fun. * luvs*

off limits

i am banned from my own pathfinder !!!??? what the freak !!!??? **dont wanna get into the details ,,, its bull ... its infuriating** life goes on anyways ... i mean how hard could it be ??? ladi da ... have you ever gone "what the f*ck are you doin beyotch ??" in the car while driving because this other driver is acting like he/she has a death wish ... well i kinda found myself in that situation ... no one honked at me tho ... its just that i got antsy sitting and waiting for my turn to go ... so i took the chance ... i made it in one piece - but that definitely freaked me out. hahaha. i was like a squirrel - two seconds away from being road kill. suv's ... dangerous. or maybe ... amy ... insane driver. good thing i was alone. yikes. i cant wait for jes to tell me "ma, the honda is all yours and you could do whatever you want wif it." thatll be the day !!! there's not much left to do ... he already got the sound system upgraded ... lites in the trunk when it pops up ... plexi glass lookin thru the amp ... and subs. i love that car ... the thumpin sound !! sweeet. he said hell get a body kit - then paint job after !! nice. i just cant take the kids with me i guess when i drive that car. ** sighs ** - theyll go deaf hahahah. >>blabbers of a mom<<

cloverdale

went to the mall ... ahhhh the cure for every problem - purchase something - picked up a few things for samuels first birthday party. i finally finished this book - stages of mediation ; dalai lama - awesome piece of work. im on to my next (non fiction - the only kind i read!) the freemasons. my goal is a week - but in reality probably two weeks - i mean where do i even find the time to read !! ( or to blog for that matter ... hi hi hi hi ) news on hub - since we talked ... things are better. my chest is not so heavy anymore everytime i breathe - thats a good sign. i guess i just have to pace myself in everything that i do ... he said something about ... me moving too fast -life- and he already stopped growing. hes afraid that i might outgrow him, his lifestyle ... that ill always want more ... do more ... just keep on going. the whole age gap issue pops up again ... my youth knows no obsatcles ... i want, i get. hes at the stage in his life where hes content in everthing ... i guess because he feels like hes already done it all ... which is true. oh well ... i made my bed - i have to sleep in it. ** holdin on **

soap opera

and these are the days of our lives ... went raspberry picking yesterday wif the kids and hub. twas fun ... there was a " no eating " ( the berries ) sign posted. like that was really gonna happen. my kids picked like craaazy ... one goes in the basket, two went in their mouths. har har har. picked up some other stuff too - pumpkins - for holaween. at around 2ish we were already home - it was a quick trip. something kinda funky was goin on tho while this was all happenin. hub was givin me the cold shoulder ... everytime i would say something he would just give a fake smile, a shmurk*, a sigh ... ANNOYING! whutever i said to myself ... i let it pass ... anyhoo ... we went home ... he rushed to the store ... did my own thang ... called a friend-no answer ... he texted back ... logged on the net ... talked to a friend, then another friend. then i got a phone call ... twas my in-law - she needed something important ... ( i had to ditch two of my friends ... you guys know who you are - so SOWIE !!! ) while i was on the phone hub came home. same. iggy treatment. as a good wife * wink * there was only one thing to do ... i had to talk to him. i did. did i mention i hate dramas ??!! it was one of them nights that you wish did not happen. it was a long talk. he was feeling ... argh ... i guess the issue quote and quote now is me drifting away - and he can feel it. i did not know what to say to him. again ... i kept to myself. sorry jes, it wasnt the right time. sad. but i felt like there was nothing i could do at that moment but to asure him that everthing is alright. --- its not that i lied to him ... i just concealed what might be more hurtful ... well get pass this hurdle baby ... hang in there ... > feeling down <

zippo

liah liah pants on fiah. i smoke - not that much - ( does it really matter ??) this a really big issue betwee jes and i. one time he found his old zippo in the office - he tried it - it worked. hmmm ... he hasnt seen the thing for years and it suddenly appeared in working condition ??? so he asks me ... did you put thing *fluid* in this ?? i go ... YEAH. >> wrong answer !! << he aint that stupid ... he figured it out ... " stop smoking" he said. the blabber mouth that i am ... i still had to answer ... i said i wasnt. drrrrr !! he ddint speak to me again after that ... this thing is starting to become taboo. dun dun dun ... another one of those relationship better not talk about it topic or else. sheeesh. i know i should stop. there is really no valid excuse for cancer sticks. actually ... my reason is to get away. my daily shit can be overwhelming at times ... so i sneak out into the backyard and light up one. stress reliever ( that slowly kills ) . its like those folks who turn to alcohol. yes it does not solve anything ... but that moment when youre actually drinking or smoking makes you feel just a tad better ... oh god ... i am actually justifying all this crap. i am doomed. ** duday **

null

stayed up late last night. i caught the re-run of the presidential debate on cnn. i tried to watch it ... i made it thru the third question. then this excruciating pain in my head started. it wasnt because i was sleepy ... you got it ... the debate did it. i mean cmon - america is doomed. these are two that they have to choose from ??? its a loose loose deal. why do i even care ??? i live all the way here - canada - the apathetic country. sadly, the american economy pretty much mirrors the canadian economy. the analogy is --- if the US is in crisis ... we definitely feel it too.
oh well - i guess we just have to wait and see.
due to the lack of sleep ( you can probably tell by the way im blogging) ... i now feel like shiet. get some shut eye you say ?? not happening. not when you have three monsters in your house !! its a friday so were hectic here ... there's a garage sale event for my son's school - gotta lend a hand. anyhoo the diarist will try again later. ** shrimp**